Cottage Goodbyes

I’ll be away for a few days… I’ll be in

Michigan

to say goodbye (and help pack in between memories) to my family’s summer cottage. It seems that every nook & cranny of that place holds more memories than I can count.  My heart hurts thinking about saying goodbye.   I just want to sweep all the furniture into a truck and drive it to SF, if only to hold onto my special place for a little while longer.  You know how you say, ‘Oh I’d give up anything for that.’? I seriously thought about it.  I would have loved to have bought it from my parents if only the world, my world, were slightly different.  If only…. It’s been a rough couple months as I’ve re-examined the decision to live so far from my family and in such an expense place.   I’m trying to make peace with it, using the knowledge that there is a grand plan out there and that this is my path. I may not always see where it’s leading, but I have to have faith that it is the best place for me.  I also have to remember that what I’m losing are not things that would have happened. In all probability the family gathering over long summer weekends with grandkids running free would never have come to pass. What I’m losing is the possibility of such things.  And somehow, that seems even harder.   

It’s only appropriate that my imagination would run away from when thinking about the cottage. My imagination always seemed to be on overdrive during the summer weekends we spent there. Probably because the small black & white TV (invariable with a coat hanger antennae) only picked up two Canadian TV stations, and only if the wind was blowing the right way.   I spent my summers reading and swimming and ‘playing pretend’, which is quite a wonderful way to spend your childhood.

In my later years, it was less a land of pretend and somewhat a land of contention.   It’s where my separated parents came together to spend time and where I had to get used to spending long periods with my father around.  Not always the most fun family dynamic, but the sandy beach and infinite lake seemed to make even dysfunctional family habits tolerable. Our cottage was always the place where I felt most secure, most alive, most balanced.   Driving up there, especially in my later years, I could feel my worries melt away. Mile by mile I felt more carefree, more alive, more myself.  So, I wonder, Where to go now?

Comments

[Jonathan Bruce]

Elisabeth,

Seriously, if you want to keep some of the stuff but have no where to store it - we have a ton of space. Yeah NC is not exactly on the way back to San Fracnsico but we'd be happy to mind some stuff for you.

[Tom]

Not all memories are good

you will have to create your own place to get away

TD

[Becca]

That is sad--parting with family history and letting go of dreams for the future. But maybe you can make some happy parting memories.

[akemi]

big hugs to you, elizabeth, as you and your family take another step into the future. my heart goes out to you as you go through this difficult time.

[akemi]

big hugs to you, elizabeth, as you and your family take another step into the future. my heart goes out to you as you go through this difficult time.